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"My first love slept with my best mate"
Cosmo Girl January 2005
After finding his first girlfriend in bed with his best friend, Darius hit rock bottom. But, as he reveals to CG!, what seemed like the end of the world was actually just the beginning.
Did you ever have your heart broken as a teenager?
Yes, I was about 16 when I met an incredible girl while I was on holiday. She lived in London, so once we were back home I'd fly down from Scotland to see her every other weekend. I had three after-school jobs just to pay for the cost of my plane tickets. We'd speak on the phone every night and I'd send her little notes and cards every other day.
So how did it go wrong?
After six months together, she called just as I was getting on my Friday flight and said she couldn't see me any more. We were supposed to be going to my mate's house party later that night so I said we'd talk then.
When we go to the party, she told me she couldn't bear not seeing me every day. She said all her other girlfriends got to see their boyfriends every day and she missed me too much. It seemed a good reason to be upset, but not something to break up over, so I was sure we'd work things out.
That must have been a surprise. What did you do then?
We talked and I suggested ways we could see each other more but she didn't say anything. I told her to take some time to sort her head out. I found my friend and asked whether he knew if she was seeing anyone else. He said she wasn't so I carried on having a good time at the party with some of the new people I'd met. I wanted to sort things out though so after a few hours I went to find her. Thinking my mate might know where she was I headed to his room.
I opened the door and found him and my girlfriend having sex! I couldn't believe it. It felt like I'd been punched in the stomach and I was nearly sick. I felt so hurt - I remember throwing a condom from my wallet onto the bed and telling him to use it as he didn't know who else she'd been with. I walked out and never did find out how long they'd been cheating on me behind my back.
Did she try to make it up to you?
I never saw her again but she did write to me and apologise a couple of months later. I was in pieces, disappointed she'd lied to me. It was so upsetting because I didn't understand why she'd done it. We'd even talked about losing our virginity together. She ended up losing hers at a party with a guy who slept around a lot. I thought that was sad and even felt sorry for her, as she'd look back on the night with regrets.
Do you regret all the effort you made to be with her?
No. I don't have any regrets and I definitely don't regret falling in love with her. I know it's a cliche but I would rather love and lose someone than never love anyone at all. I also decided there and then not to let one bad relationship stop me from trusting people in the future.
It sounds like you pulled yourself together. What helped you through it?
I felt utterly betrayed for about two or three months but then I wrote a song about her and realised I was over it. Music has always got me through hard times. If I ever felt down about something, I'd write a song - my guitar was my best friend. These days I've got a great best friend called Simon but I'm still writing songs!
How did you learn to trust again and move on?
The hardest thing when someone betrays you is learning to like yourself again. My self-worth plummeted and I tortured myself with questions about why my girlfriend had cheated. Was he better looking than me? Was I a bad boyfriend? The thing is, you have no control over somebody else's decisions. In the end, I stopped blaming myself and figured it was her loss.
Good advice, you make it all sound so easy!
Oh no, it feels like the end of the world when you're cheated on. You wonder why you should ever bother caring about someone again. But the important thing is what an experience teaches you. I felt love, which is always a gift, and I learnt how not to treat people. I knew I'd probably get hurt again, but regardless of how long it lasts, every relationship brings you one step closer to finding someone who's perfect for you.