Peter Robinson versus Darius NME 19 January 2005 The popstars survivor's friendship with Geri's all about charidee and he doesn't want to **** on her, OK? Hello Darius "Hold on just one second (talking in the background) Right!" Now obviously this is NME so we are going to have a very serious chat about music "Well, of curse." BUT ONLY AFTER WE'VE DISCUSSED YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GERI HALLIWELL AND THE PHOTOGRAPH OF YOU WAVING YOUR **** AT A SIX-YEAR-OLD GIRL FIRST? "The **** - and she was 12! At least get your facts right. But what can I say? I was caught out while singing to a fan and wearing a kilt, by someone sticking a long lens between my legs. And that's life." LIFE OR NOT, THERE'S NO ESCAPING THE FACT THAT YOUR **** WAS SWINGING AROUND IN FRONT OF A 12-YEAR OLD GIRL. "To start with I was really embarrassed. I got emails from mates around the world asking, not unreasonably, "What are you doing with your **** hanging out?" But then I got less embarrassed when people were asking me if the picture had been digitally enhanced." PERHAPS IN 20 YEARS YOU COULD BE REUNITED WITH THAT 12-YEAR OLD GIRL. SHE'LL BE 32. "She'll be my wife! That'd be a good one for the best man's speech." DURING POPSTARS, I MET YOU ON THE LONDON UNDERGROUND. YOU WERE ATTEMPTING TO DRAG A SUITCASE UP SOME STEPS BUT YOU HAD YOUR HAND IN A BANDAGE. YOU SEEEMED QUITE DISTRESSED. WHAT HAD HAPPENED? "I broke the two main bones in my hand. I'd got into a fight. Well I was basically attacked in London. I broke my hand but you should have seen the other guy. I got his face! and left him on the ground!" WELL THAT'S A GOOD EXAMPLE TO SET YOUR FANS "I hope the police report that was logged four years ago doesn't get back to me, ha!" DO YOU HAVE A DOG? "No" DO YOU HAVE A CAT? "No" DO YOU HAVE A RABBIT? "No" WHY NOT? "Honestly, if I had any of the above they'd be dead within a week. It's hard enough having a girlfriend and remembering to water her and feed her and let her out to go to the toilet, so a cat or a rabbit just wouldn't last." IS GERI SOMEONE YOU WATER AND FEED AND LET GO TO THE TOILET, OR IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH HER A COMEDY MADE-UP POP LIE? "No, absolutely, don't be silly." SO YOU DON'T WATER GERI? "I'm sure a lot of men would like to." WOULD YOU LIKE TO **** ON GERI? "Hey , man, you're saying that, not me. (Booo! - Ed) I'm just friends with her. The deal is that she had a cancer charity event at the Albert Hall and my dad died of cancer last year and it's soemthing I'm passionate about so of course I played at the event. And that's how we met and I've honestly only seen her about six times." I'VE BEEN LOOKING ON EBAY TO SEE IF THERE IS ANYTHING OF INTEREST, DARIUS-WISE. AND I'VE FOUND A 15 INCH BEAR WEARING A SCOTTISH KILT, SPORRAN AND JACKET, WHO WHEN CUDDLED SAYS "HI, I'M DARIUS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING TONGIHT?" SOMEONE PAID £31 FOR THAT. "Are you winding me up? I have no idea about those bears." IT'S NOT A REAL BEAR OBVIOUSLY. "Well no, I wouldn't advocate selling real animals on the internet. Someone really paid £31 for that? You'd have to pay ME to have one of those at home!" THERE'S ALSO A DARIUS BOOKMARK, AS WELL AS A DARIUS FRIDGE MAGNET. "Unbelievable. There's people making money out of my face on a fridge? I'm not even getting a 20 per cent cut of this! It's completely depressed me now. What is the world coming to?" WE'RE GOING INTO BUSINESS, DARIUS "What kind of business? do you have a business plan?" NO, BUT BASICALLY IT'S A WEST END MUSICAL. POPSTARS: THE MUSICAL. AND ALL THE PEOPLE FROM HEAR'SAY AND LIBERTY X - AND YOU - ARE PLAYING THEMSELVES ON STAGE, AND IT'S THE STORY OF WHAT HAPPENED BEHIND THE SCHENES. AND THE AUDIENCE EACH NIGHT GETS TO DECIDE WHAT HAPPENS TO THE SHOW, AND WHO GETS KICKED OUT! IT WILL BE BRILLIANT. "You should be in theatre! That is an awesome idea! in fact forget the West End - you should be on Broadway, son. That's genius. And then you could give all the audience shotguns and they could shoot themselves afterwards." WELL, THAT'S NOT QUITE WHAT I HAD IN MIND, IW AS THINKING MORE ALONG THE LINES OF A SINGALONG. "Sorry." FYI * Darius came into the NME office in 2000. He remembers it as "studenty" * We were going to buy his autobiography off ebay but he says he'll send us a free copy. * We'll tell you whether it materialises or not.