Darius World

Dinner at mine?

TV Hits May 2003

tvhits! gets kitchen confidential with Darius...

Picture the scene. You've just arrived for a dinner date with Darius. Out by the dining table, the lights are down low. Slow, smooth motown music oozes into atmosphere and there's anticipation in the air! The room's still empty, but you know that if you have a little search around, you're sure to find something oh so tasty cooking in the kitchen. Er, that'll be Darius!*

Now don't be alarmed when you spot a tvhits! bod in the corner chopping onions. We're here to help (and to quiz him on his intentions!) When dinner is served, you'll be left alone for yer special tea with Big D...he assures us the food will be equally delish!

Phew! It's getting hot in here! What's cooking?

Well I have to first find out what she likes to eat! When I'm making dinner for a new girl, I call her up and say, 'Hey baby, what's your favourite food?'

What do you hope she'll say?

Pasta...and she did. Pasta is the food of love!

Isn't that oysters?

Yeah, but everyone says oysters - from rappers to hip hop dudeds to guitarists. I suppose a heavy rock band might say pizza. But I say pasta. (profoundly) Because pasta...is like grapes.

Huh?

It's a Roman thing. Ancient Romans and Greeks used to eat loads of em then tickle each other's tonsils with feathers so they could throw up - just to make room for more food.

Sounds dis-gus-ting!

But I promise I won't be doing that with this saucy lady. If any saucy lady is looking to come round to dinner I absolutely promise that will not happen.

Euch! I hope not.

Nah cos then there wouldn't be any snoggin would there?

Steady on! What'll you talk about at the table?

We'll talk about her, how her day has been. I do like intelligent girls so hopefully we can talk about art and music and...(goes all dreamy)

Sounds very intense!

Well, it can be of course, but I like a girl who can be fun too. She's gotta be witty and she's gotta be pretty!

You're looking fairly dapper yourself!

You think? I'm going for the well-dressed not over-dressed vibe. Can't go wrong with a nice shirt.

Good! I see you've been making cocktails! What's your favourite?

Ooh, the Big D! When I went to Mauritius I convinced all the barmen it was one of the most sought after cocktails in Europe. The recipe is a secret - but the main ingredients are pineapple and mango juice!

You've forgotten to wash the glass though, look!

No, what I did there was put a sugar glaze around the edge to make it special. I'd put in lots of ice too!

Who taught you this cooking lark?

My mum. She makes great soup and a great roast. (thinks) All mums are good at roasts aren't they? It must be something the midwife whispers in to them the day they're born!

You cooked in the Pop Idol house didn't you?

Yeah cos all anyone else could make was beans on toast! Zoe was the only one who was helpful cos she'd been a silver service waitress, so she laid the table. Gareth only liked pizza, but, uh, Will could choose a good bottle of wine. And they were all good at farting!

How were Rosie and Hayley?

They just enjoyed eating!

Are you a scret Jamie Oliver fan then?

No, he looks terrible in the kitchen! Anyway, I don't watch cooking shows - you have to learn from experience!

That's dangerous talk!

Oh yes! For every perfect blancmange or meringue you come up with a dozen souffles that make you scream, 'What is that rare jellyfish thing?'

You must follow a recipe though, right?

Oh no, I just make it up as I go along, otherwise it's much too predictable.

Hope she's not expecting sticky toffee pudding then?

My downfall would be Innocent fruit smoothies. I could go through about six of them - maybe even a dozen!

Messy. But I see you've got the posh napkins out.

Oh yeah! A dinner date isn't just about the meal, it's about the setting too.

Overdid the Tropical Glade air freshner though...

Tsk! You can smell vanilla. I just bought some lovely scented candles from Jo Malone.

So that'll impress your girl?

Oh yeah! And the cutlery has to be clean. If you don't have clean cutlery you don't deserve to date the girl!

Anything else?

Flowers are nice, or maybe a single red rose. Sometimes less is more! A simple red rose portrays immense passion...so I'd tease her!

Ooh! Passion is it?

Of course! As long as there isn't been any burping or farting at the table.

Any other big turn offs for you then?

I wouldn't like her to pick her nose while I'm eating Brussel sprouts.

...er, ya'll enjoy your meal!