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Darius interview
By Justin Stoneman Virgin.net 25 October 2004
With his brand new album, Live Twice, due for release, we catch up with the inimitable Darius to discuss his three favourite topics - chest hair, Girls Aloud and chocolate buttons...
VN: Darius you great big Scottish-Persian musical love god, welcome back to Virgin.net!
Darius: Oh it is wonderful to be here again!
VN: You get more handsome every time we meet.
Darius: Thank you kind sir, so do you.
VN: I'm well aware of that. Can I see your chest please?
Darius: What!? Why is that necessary?
VN: Let me explain - last time we interviewed you I noticed a very disturbing thick chest stubble, it made me queasy.
Darius: Ah yes, it wasn't waxed - it was more like a half-shave.
"The worst is a hairy bum - that would be a curse from the gods"
VN: Yes I recall, and I had just eaten. You were wearing an open shirt for some reason, like you were proud of it.
Darius: Oh dear, I'm sorry - I've made some mistakes in the past. [Removing shirt]You see, the hair is back, I am no longer ashamed.
VN: Well you should be, it looks like a dog is resting on your breasts. Button yourself up.
Darius: Oh that is very harsh! I like my hairy chest - let's see yours, I bet you're being a hypocrite.
VN: [Removing shirt] Yeah, ok, I have problems as well... but at least I'm suitably ashamed and keep it hidden.
Darius: I think it looks lovely, well done. The worst is a hairy bum - that would be a curse from the gods.
VN: Oh dear, I won't reveal any more of my secrets then... Anyway, I brought you some chocolate buttons, say thank you.
Darius: Thank you. I have brought you a signed copy of my new single, you can review it on Virgin.
VN: We have high standards - our master music critic has three ears and a degree in sarcastic destruction. What if we don't like it?
Darius: Then I will kill you.
VN: Fair enough. Right, I'm getting bored - do you fancy a game of truth or dare?
Darius: Oh, how exciting! Right, I'm up for it.
VN: Me first - do you want truth or dare?
Darius: Truth.
VN: Ok - should Girls Aloud just dump the ginger and get on with it?
Darius: Aaah, that is so unfair!
VN: Yeah, genetics are cruel.
Darius: I really like Girls Aloud, lovely ladies - no they shouldn't get rid of her, she is lovely.
VN: Yeah she is actually the sweetest of the lot so we'll accept that. Next question - how many girls have you slept with? And name them!
Darius: Oh no! A man never reveals that information!
VN: Ok, no truth, so it's dare then. I dare you to bring me along to all of your TV interviews and introduce me as your "spiritual adviser". All your questions then have to be answered by me, and you must refer to me as "Daddy".
Darius: Ha ha, heck, that is tough...
VN: Ok, a double dare - stick all the chocolate buttons I brought you up your nose.
Darius: Ok, I'll do it. [Stuffing buttons up nose] This is very painful, my eyes are watering.
VN: You can do it, be brave.
Darius: [Continuing to insert chocolate] Aargh, my nose is full!
VN: Well done! You are a legend.
Darius: Now you have to eat them after I get them out!
VN: Oh dear. Darius all this sexual tension between us is becoming too much - you must leave.
Darius: Oh no, I don't want to!
VN: No, get out. Go and clean your nose.
Darius: Farewell then my friend.